The Maya and Sadie Show

3 1/2 Days and Counting

2007-06-05T12:48:00.000-07:00

I've really set myself up to fail with Maya's big birthday party. This all started when I didn't want to clean my house before and after a birthday party. Really, having a party here would have been unwise as it turns out, since we just killed a rattlesnake at the bottom of our back stairs, and having 20-something 3 year olds running around the yard... I can't even finish that sentence without starting a panic attack.

So I rented out a park, but because of where we live, it's a good 30 minutes away from our house. So it became easier to get all the food and everything in Folsom instead of do any of it here, and the money started pouring out of my bank account.

Then I had this great idea for goody bags that I figured I could pull off if I planned in advance. I had a supplier lined up. They knew how many I needed and when, and then when it was time to pull the trigger, they promptly flaked. I managed to find another supplier (and I will unveil all the gloriousness of the party after it's over and probably looks a lot less fabulous), but they can't get the stuff in until today, and I'm waiting for the phone call that it has been received and can be sent to me from Petaluma. We shall see if this whole thing comes together, but more than likely, on Friday I will be running all over town trying to find "good enough" crap to throw in these goody bags. And everyone will be just as happy as they would have been if everything had worked out.

Balloons, decorations, cake, food, drinks, ice, coolers, candy, goody bags, pinata, etc., etc. I'm very good at logistics but not so good at handling the effects of stress (and even worse at execution, but we'll deal with that).

Maya is so excited about her party that she can't barely function. We've been counting how many more nights she'll have to sleep before her party every morning, and this morning she told me she slept so good that it should be time for her party already. I agree. The sooner the better before I lose anymore hair.

Maya got her big birthday present early and was awarded a small pink bicycle (with hair, she says to describe the pom poms hanging off her handlebars) on Saturday.

A bit behind

2007-05-23T20:58:00.001-07:00

It's hard to keep up with things when a) the kids can't stay healthy and b) you are working two jobs. Certainly cuts into your spare time and your ability to update family members on mundane things.

Maya's birthday is in less than 3 weeks, and we are deep in the planning stages of her enormous birthday party. I'm talking the BURNING MAN of 4-year-old birthday parties. Mike and I are not really up on our birthday party etiquette, so we decided not to leave anyone out, and we invited 27 children to this party hoping to God that half of them didn't show up. We rented a park out. We've bought a pinata. We toyed with the idea of getting a root beer keg and then decided it's hard enough making friends around here, why would we want to piss off 27 sets of parents?

Sadie has picked up Maya's very best words and says mostly NO and MINE. When she starts saying WHY, I will stab myself in the ears with a knitting needle and hope I don't heal for a year.

When Maya was about a year old, she'd sit down in her Elmo chair and busy herself with a dozen books for 20 minutes or so (when someone else was watching her). Sadie saw books as more of a weapon. Or something to pull down from the bookshelf and cover the floor with twelve times a day. Now that she can say BOOK and READ, she is constantly asking to be read to. I was getting a little worried about it what with all the grown up TV she gets exposed to from her big sister. Maya got to start out with Teletubbies and Sesame Street, and Sadie has been fast tracked to the Land Before Time movies and the Magic Schoolbus (which is way over both their heads).

Sadie is also singing. It's hard to know what she's saying unless you hear it all the time, but she will sing several songs to herself all day long. I'm anxious to see what she thinks the words are, since she's learning the songs from Maya. This is Maya's interpretation of Baa Baa Black Sheep:

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Papa Nany No
Yessir Yessir three bags old

One for the Raffi
One for the day
One for the little one's Christmas Joy

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Papa Nany No
Yessir Yessir three bags old

If Sadie further distorts those words, what are we going to get? Is it a good idea to have a third child just to see what happens to the song when Sadie teaches it to her younger sibling?

Whew

2006-12-28T12:42:00.000-08:00

Despite all my good planning and anal practice of wrapping presents as they were purchased, we still had an exhausting countdown to Christmas. Sadie was sick. Again. Yesterday was our third doctor's visit for this particular illness, and this is round 4 of antibiotics. In addition to being sick, she was also constipated. This may be too much detail for some of you to stomach, but I just have to say that the child was producing granite from her back end just about hourly for days at a time. We're attacking it with medicine droppers of prune juice and glycerine suppositories. The illness barely touched Maya, but Mike was staggering around the place like the undead. Place a very busy week of work on top of that, and suddenly, you have a very disorganized Christmas Eve.

Mike had purchased several presents at the last minute, all of which needed wrapping. In addition, we had one simple gift to assemble. Based on the box, I had allotted about 30 minutes to putting it together. Lesson delivered: the box contained 3 billion parts, all of which needed to be unwrapped, organized, and then attached with a screwdriver according to IKEA-style directions. It took Mike and I about 3 hours to get everything done. The Christmas Eve I had envisioned where we loaf around and watch movies was toast. We staggered to bed, where (like nearly every night that week) I got about 3 hours sleep with a very sick Sadie before they both woke up.

Christmas morning, everyone was cheerful. Even Sadie postponed her suffering for the couple of hours it took to open presents. Maya has her most precious objects laid out on the dining room table (out of Sadie's reach), and we basically don't see her for most of the day while she plays with her Diego Rescue Center and the A-Z Learning Zoo. Occasionally she wanders into the living room to grab some dinosaurs and ask us to "make them talk" before she runs out on another rescue mission.

Sadie mostly loves the kitchen that took us so long to put together. She picks up the cell phone and says "Hi" and "Bye" into it (and I swear, people, I am rarely on the phone--she's just that sharp), and puts plastic food into the oven while she chatters away to herself.

Now we're up to date

2006-12-12T21:29:00.000-08:00

We've been very busy driving the idea of Christmas into Maya's brain with a claw hammer. She's been primed with Christmas specials courtesy of Wonder Pets, Dora, and Diego. She's rediscovering the Charlie Brown Christmas special. She is aware of Santa and his alleged gift giving, stocking stuffing, and predeliction for cookies and milk.

In fact, she's talked a lot about Santa. She seemed outright happy when we mentioned that he would be attending the pancake breakfast we were going to. We told her about how you sit on his lap and tell him what you want, but as soon as she saw him, the affair was over. Later on she would tell me that she did NOT like a Santa that was wearing glasses, but at the time I had no idea that she would be so thoroughly freaked out. I brought her over to him, and she clung to me like a barnacle. I need to find a flatbed scanner to show everyone the scene. It's familiar to everyone, and was repeated when I decided to bring Sadie over for a picture. My children's screams filled the air, reminding everyone that it was indeed the Christmas season.

From there, we cut down a perfectly innocent Christmas tree, and then shoehorned the girls into the fancy dress you see above to go to the mom's group Christmas party. Maya ran around like a nut abusing that dress, but dammit, I bought it and she's going to wear it as much as possible. Sadie fussed from the minute I put the dress on until I took it off hours later. Santa showed up at this party too, and Maya retrieved her present from him very cautiously, with daddy as a bodyguard, and being very careful not to make eye contact. To be honest, I don't really want to freak her out with the idea that he will be trespassing on Christmas Eve, even if he is going to leave her presents. She might not be able to sleep from the terror.

Sadie, Birthday Cake

2006-12-12T21:06:00.000-08:00

We had Jane's birthday party in November, and a good time was had by all. Sadie got her first taste of birthday cake, and unlike Maya (who at her first birthday decided she didn't care for cake at all), Sadie plunged in with gusto. She will not disappoint fans of 1st birthday pictures showing babies covered in cake.

Now, I'm a big fan of the sloppy, kind of sad looking homemade birthday cakes that I normally do around here. That is, until I saw the Madagascar cake at Safeway. Now there's a birthday cake. Inexpensive, big shock-and-awe effect on the girls, plus the toys are still being played with I presume. We were gifted with the palm trees from the cake, and every day, one of Maya's plastic dinosaurs is grazing on it. Perfect.

Unfortunately, it rained quite a bit on the birthday girl's actual birthday, but we managed somehow to have fun regardless. The next day, we went to good old Apple Hill for some pony rides. I'll make any excuse to go up to Apple Hill. I don't actual eat pastries every time I'm there, but I'm soothed by their presence.

Somehow, being trapped in the house with us for a rainy weekend with four little girls hopped up on sugar did not dissuade the Z's from having us over for Thanksgiving. We had a great meal (they cooked everything!), and the next day Mike and I thought Fisherman's Wharf sounded fun. Yeah, you read that right. People who had actually resided in San Francisco thought Fisherman's Wharf would be a good idea. I'm going to skip the negative and just say that kids love sea lions, and we went to the aquarium, which we hadn't done before.

Somehow, the next day, we still mustered up the energy to go out again, and we went to Train Town (?) in Sonoma. Mini carnival rides, a big train ride, petting zoo. We topped it off with a meal at an Irish pub where we ignored the imminent meltdowns and the place being pelted with food (Sadie) and had a pint while giggling nervously about how much fun we were having although a good 50% of our collective brains were grinning through clenched teeth. Or maybe that was just me. I was, after all, seated next to Sadie, who has the reach of an orangutan.

Before I end November, here's a shot of Maya in full Native American regalia. They made costumes for their Thanksgiving Friendship Feast at preschool, where Maya are more food in one sitting than I have ever seen her eat. I believe she clocked about 13 seconds of sitting and eating at the actual Thanksgiving dinner.

Halloween

2006-12-12T20:54:00.000-08:00

Um, I'm a bit behind. This last couple of months has been about enduring Sadie's illness, and she finally got better for a whole 7 days before she got sick again just Monday. But let's start at the beginning. People need to see some kids in costumes.

Sadie is getting better for a day or two and then getting sick again. Ditto Maya. Maya is bouncing back a lot better and gets through these colds in much better spirits than does Sadie. I'm convinced Maya could have pneumonia and two broken legs and still manage to trash the house. But the wild abandon that she surrenders herself to after each and every bath is one of the things I love about her.

Sadie on Halloween was a zombie. A zombie that allowed us to dress her in a dragon costume, complete with headpiece, and parade her and her dragon sister down a cold, cold Main Street Halloween extravaganza.

We didn't try to trick-or-treat in a neighborhood this year. The kids go to bed at 7, so any late evening activities can get a bit dicey. Maya did go door to door down Main Street and got a couple of dozen pieces of candy that would take her 2 months to get through. Not that she would actually eat any of them--I don't want to mislead you. Candy is for unwrapping, slobbering up (it's a territorial thing and a really smart way to keep your parents from grazing in your candy bag), and then dropping back into your bucket.

In Our Groove: Must be time to come home

2006-10-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

By the time we left San Deigo, the kids were completely adjusted to long days out or long days in the car, few bathroom trips, and meals in restaurants. Our nerves were dulled to any non-serious fussing or screaming.

We left our condo and drove north. The original agenda was to tour LA so Mike could get a taste of Southern California. But what really happened is we decided we had to get out of town as quickly as possible or we were going to have a hard time getting home on time. So we raced up the coast and drove down Wilshire Blvd to Rodeo Drive. Yawn. Then we cut up Laurel Canyon (excellent movie) to 101 and didn't look back. Which meant we didn't see much of LA.

We headed for Santa Barbara--another place we figured we'd spend some time in--but we finally hit the dreaded Southern California traffic and ended up staying in some small town where the motel was next to a restaurant and got back on the road the next day.

On the way to Santa Barbara we saw La Conchita where the horrible landslide happened last winter. We went to the pier and watched the fisherman before visiting a nice aquarium where Maya was able to handle some sea life.

We got back in the car and headed north to Pismo Beach, where we got a hotel room right on the beach. The kids played in the sand, and Maya collected Sand Dollars.

Then, we decided to make the mother of all restaurant gambles. A Morroccan restaurant a half hour away where the belly dancing started at 7--Maya and Sadie's bedtime. Could we be anymore daring? Maya was starving when we left. Sadie hadn't napped. We got lucky. Maya held it together, and Sadie got a catnap on the way up. We actually found the restaurant in busy downtown San Luis Obispo AND got parking across the street for the restaurant. The kids stayed happy pretty much the entire time (although Maya refused to eat the restaurant food because the french fries were brown instead of yellow). And to top it off, just as we were about to give up and walk out the door, the belly dancing started. Maya and even Sadie were entranced by the dancing, and we stayed for a few numbers before we felt like we were really pressing our luck and went back to the hotel.

After the kids fell asleep, we got to sit on the balcony and watch the waves and finish the bottle of wine we'd been lugging around for the entire trip. Ahhhhh.

San Diego

2006-10-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

We stayed in Mission Beach, one block from the beach itself.

The first day we were there, Mike and I rented a couple of bikes: one with a trailer on it, and one with a kid's seat mounted to the back. We figured Sadie would dig the trailer while Maya would like to be where the action is. We had it exactly wrong. Maya happily climbed into the bike trailer. Sadie was protesting the whole idea. Didn't want to wear the helmet. Didn't want to sit in the trailer. Didn't want to sit on the bike seat. Finally, I just strapped her in screaming and went for it. Of course, the minute the bike started moving, she quieted down and promptly passed out. She slept during our entire excursion down the beach, past the loud, chanting Marines, across traffic to the Bay and back again.

We had lunch and then did something that both kids enjoyed: the beach.

We cleaned them up and went searching for huge margaritas. But let's be honest: there are not enough margaritas in the world to take the anxiety out of us after the Crystal Palace debacle. In a cold sweat, we entered the restaurant, which was not empty and was not filled with families, and awaited our fate. Now, Maya loves beans and rice. She was almost perfectly happy to be eating her favorite meal. Sadie was another story. Our normally easy-going baby had (and still has) something nasty and viral which produces a lot of phlegm and gives her no appetite. She went into Samsonite Gorilla mode and threw everything on the floor over and over again before deciding she'd prefer screaming. Another meal rammed down our throats and finished abruptly. Better luck next time.

Day Two we decided to go to the San Diego Zoo over SeaWorld (which I think may have been too old for Maya). I think we made the right choice. The kids played with goats and got really good views of orangutans, polar bears, hippos, and about a thousand other animals. All over the zoo they have animal statues for the kids to climb on. What this picture doesn't show is when Maya was pretending to nurse off the gorilla statue. Mike would have been appalled if he'd noticed, so I had to tell him in graphic detail to try and approach the level of horror he would have experienced if he'd eyewitnessed it.

On our last day, we did some shopping in Old Town, had some lunch, and then rushed home for some beach time before Mike started his surf lesson (go Mike). That night we got the kids in bed and had the best Thai food ever, not even thinking that the next day we had to actually pack up and leave.

Day 1: Bad Omens

2006-10-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

It's going to take me a few days to debrief on the most excellent trip we took, but as the title of this post suggests, it was not all sunshine and puppy dogs as we set out on our trip. We wisely decided not to go anywhere Friday night but to wait until Saturday morning. Of course, we had to check in at our San Diego condo on Sunday, and we had no idea how the kids would travel. Everyone was sick. So we hit the sack early and prayed.

Sometime in the middle of the night on Friday night, Sadie woke up coughing. I decided to re-medicate, and all I can think of is that I somehow shoved the medicine dropper a little too far into Sadie's mouth. She upchucked 4 ounces of formula onto my bed. Lucky Mike was sawing logs that night, and so I had banished him to the guest room. He had a peaceful night's sleep. But I had to change my sheets and Sadie's sheets AND Sadie's pajamas AND my pajamas AND then get her back to sleep.

On Saturday morning, I was mentally useless, but we did manage to pack up and get out of here at a decent hour. Mike did most of the driving, which allowed me to spend my time swapping toys, answering questions about Sammy's whereabouts, and delivering bottles and snacks. We were driving on Highway Ugly (5) most of the way, and we only stopped once. It was a lovely California rest stop that smelled like raw sewage. Maya amused herself climbing trees and feeding birds tortilla chips. Then we got back on the road and made it farther than we ever dreamed we could: Bakersfield.

Now you may be thinking to yourself that Bakersfield is a pretty uninteresting place. But it just so happens that it is a very happening place if you happen to like country music. Which we don't. But still, I found a hotel room next to Buck Owen's Crystal Palace Restaurant. It was everything I dreamed it would be. There were statues of country music legends (like Johnny Cash) and memorabilia everywhere. The place was oozing with atmosphere. We were able to get a table without reservations by being at the hostess booth the very minute it opened.

Mercifully, the restaurant was empty. I pride myself on my ability to go out to dinner with my two young children and have relatively smooth experiences. It's not like we're lingering at the table with snifters of cognac, but usually we don't have any major incidents. At Buck Owen's Crystal Palace Restaurant (may he rest in peace), Mike and I were put through our paces as both of our children decided to explode just as the meal was getting to the table. Maya did not want to stay in her seat. She did not want to eat. She did not want to play with her activity box. She wanted to make noise. And Sadie had basically just lost her little mind. I had to attempt to eat with Sadie in my lap grabbing everything in sight. Mike tried to scarf down his food while we kept Maya from jumping off the balcony.

We left the table with food scattered everywhere, and we thanked our lucky stars that no one was seated on the level below us. They would surely have been covered with Cheerios and banana puffs.

This was also the restaurant in which we decided to number our rules, and somehow, giving them numbers made them much more official, and Maya began to respect them. You're probably wondering what they are:

1. Stay in your seat
2. Indoor voice
3. No playing with your food

Mid-trip we had to institute Rule Number 4 involving nose-picking, but that's another story for another time.

On Vacation

2006-10-13T13:36:00.000-07:00

We're driving down to San Diego for a week. See everyone when we get back!

Let Them Eat Cake

2006-10-10T19:59:00.000-07:00

Grandma rolled into town on a Thursday evening with pinkeye and a cold, burned out after 7 days of cross-country driving. To Maya, that sounded like the ideal state you'd want to be in when you make chocolate chip cookies with a 3 year old. And she assumed that as soon as Grandma put down her bags, she'd be preheating the oven and cracking eggs. Somehow, we stalled Maya until morning. Early morning.

Luckily, Grandma is a good sport. But the cookies weren't out of the oven 10 minutes before Maya wanted to start making the birthday cake.

We took our day of rest on Friday so Grandma could get a prescription filled and at least start to get healthy. Then Saturday was ran around Apple Hill doing the normal Apple Hill kinds of activities: petting farm animals, buying pumpkins, eating apple pie, etc. Sunday we hit a couple of wineries, but that trip got cut short because of Sadie's mood. It's no fun to go drinking without an ID.

The girls were absolutely smitten with their Grandma. I present as evidence:

Somehow I did not get a picture of Sadie with Grandma. Although Sadie has a touch of the separation anxiety, she happily let Grandma hold her and play with her. At this age, Maya would try to crawl back in the womb if a stranger so much as glanced at her, so I consider all of us lucky that Sadie is a tad more laid back.

We were sad to see her go.

Imagine Our Liberal Outrage...

2006-09-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

when we received this in the mail:

I know I've been living with Mike's last name for over 7 years, but really, it took both of us a good ten minutes to understand exactly what went wrong with that envelope. When I get ten minutes, I think I'll send this picture to the company that tried to sell us educational products for our children and school them. Just because you CAN use a technology doesn't mean you SHOULD. This material was not made anymore effective because it inserted our last names into the text. It did, however, make it outrageously funny. Thank you, BBC.

I have been too busy to post, although I can't remember why. Maya has been sick. Sadie is now getting sick, and my mom just called us from the road saying A) She'll be here sometime today, and B) she's bringing her friend THE PINKEYE. We'll be glad to see her anyway. We just won't touch her for 24 hours.

Maya is at preschool, where they are having picture day. Luckily I was able to chaperone her through the process before I had to come home. The photographer was the size of a refrigerator, and Maya was paralyzed with fear. I agonized over the perfect shirt to match her eyes, and the nanny labored over her hairstyle, but there was nothing I could do to erase that look of fear from her eyes, although she did manage to clench her teeth together and smile once or twice.

It's Fall!

2006-09-19T20:36:00.000-07:00

The heat has finally dropped off, and we've been very busy with various activities. Last week Anne was here to visit, and she spent quality time bonding with Maya and Sadie. When I told Maya that Anne was coming to visit, she assumed I meant Ana the Anaconda from Go, Diego, Go. So when Anne came out of her room that morning, Maya wanted to check out her room and find the snake. We again confused her by telling her that Baby Lauren was coming to visit later that day. She thought we said Baby Lion and was again confused when the cute kid showed up.

The next day we all packed up and went to a local winery for their Friday night event with live music. We ordered a nice bottle of Merlot, laid out a blanket, and enjoyed the scenery up in the pines. Children were frolicking on the lawn. The pear trees looked like they were painted in, the fruit was so perfect. But the music made you want to poke out your ear drums with a knitting needle.

Saturday we had to say goodbye to Anne, and Maya hasn't quit asking when she's coming back. We tried to distract her with fall activities like pony rides, face painting (that's an octopus in the photo above), and carnival games, but she wants Anne to come back and make more chocolate chip cookies with her. The end.

Sadie is not content to be a passenger in the baby carrier throughout all these adventures. She is determined to walk and has already started cruising. Her motor skills are very good. Determination, top notch. Judgment? Not so good. Sammy is not a good place to make a pit stop. She tends to move around a lot, especially when Sadie is pulling out hunks of skin and hair.

So for today's visit to the park, Sadie had to be down on the ground trying to eat her weight in tanbark while Maya covered herself from head to toe in dirt roaming around with a pack of strange kids.

Preschool Has Begun

2006-09-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

Yup, that thar is real gold.

After breathing into a paper bag for the past two weeks worrying about Maya's reaction to preschool, I am pleased to report that the only reaction was my overreaction. Hooray. On both Tuesday and Thursday, I would look back before heading out, and she wasn't even looking in my direction. She has worn herself to exhaustion both days, and when Mike walks in to get her, she's laying down on the floor looking catatonic. When she notices him, she will raise both her arms signalling that it is time to pick her up and place her in her chariot and provide refreshment of cold milk and graham cracker sticks.

While she has not had one accident at preschool yet, she is still refusing to defecate in the Potty Hut. Perhaps we have unknowingly erected some kind of religious structure that she refuses to defile.

Sadie is crawling forward. She must have heard the phrase "baby steps," because that is exactly how she crawls. She is planning out the movement of each limb like a master chess player before she actually goes for it, which results in a pace of about .0001 miles per hour. If I place her next to the TV, I know I can clean a bathroom or send an email before she can get to an unprotected outlet or Sammy's discarded rawhide.

If only she'd think out the ramifications of, say, letting go of the piece of furniture she's hanging on and trying to walk when her stubby little legs can still barely support her weight.

Potty Hut 2.0

2006-09-06T19:35:00.000-07:00

We had a rough start, but Maya is roughly 90% potty trained thanks to the original Potty Hut. We've been sans diapers for a week and a half, and the chart speaks for itself.

We've had some trouble keeping the ball rolling with the original Potty Hut, so one night after a long, long day, Mike and I drafted a rough sketch of the Potty Hut 2.0. The original potty hut was pretty good. We liked the moon roof, which was perfect for viewing the contents of the potty. The play windows on either side were key, since she could continue playing while she sat on the potty. But there were improvements to be made, and another large car seat box just waiting to start its second life as an indoor outhouse.

Behold, Potty Hut 2.0. It retains all the features that made Potty Hut 1.0 a success, but includes key improvements. Notice that instead of taping a box of tissue to the outside of the box, we've created a toilet paper holder (with a bungee cord) that now sits inside of the box. This is kinder to our septic system, easier to replace, and also gets Maya ready for the adult world of toilet paper.

Another key feature involves the floor. The old floor, depending on how the box was moved around, was either carpet or perhaps some flaps of the lid. As you know, girls sit down to pee. And sometimes small girls get curious about the technicalities. They take a peek at what's going on, and pee ends up everywhere. So Potty Hut 2.0 has the floor taped up and in addition is reinforced with more cardboard. An elephant could pee in there, and my carpet would remain bone dry.

Potty Hut 2.0 has more square footage because the new box we had just happens to be a bit bigger. We made the door higher so that Maya could get in and out a little more easily.

Sadly, neither version of the Potty Hut is so appealing that Maya just MUST defecate in it. She'd rather do it in her drawers. I've sweetened the deal by promising 2 stickers and a precious lollipop if she'd just poop in the Potty Hut. No dice.

Holding Firm

2006-09-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

I did not cave and buy M&Ms, and we've had no accidents since Day 1, so I consider myself fortunate. If we can just keep the ball rolling until preschool peer-pressure begins, I think I have it made.

All the girls (including me) are sick. It's not much of a cold, but it's enough to bother Sadie. She doesn't want to sleep or eat but she definitely feels well enough to put herself in precarious positions and try and crack her head open.

I decided I needed to have some kind of barrier on the side of her crib that is wide open to my bed. I figured eventually she will be propelling herself forward well enough that before I can run down the hall she might take a dive off the bed. So I lowered her crib mattress one notch just to give her a small obstacle.

What I gave her instead was a great way to push herself to standing (well, it's more like a yoga position). She rolls over to the edge, sits on her butt, pushes up on my bed, and straightens her legs. With her butt up in the air, she gives me a great big smile (THANKS MOM!). I'm smiling back, but my face is really frozen in horror, and a stream of curse words is scrolling across my brain.

We put the mattress back where it was for now.

Dear Mom,

2006-08-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

One of my earliest memories is walking into the coat closet right next to the bathroom and peeing on the floor. I then blamed the cat. I have no memory of what the cat looked like or even its name, but it doesn't much matter, because you didn't believe me I'm sure. I only wish I could remember what made me do such a thing with the toilet not five feet from where I squatted.

Anyway, I'm sure that I am reaping what I sowed as I wage psychological warfare with Maya. Day 2 of Project Outhouse was not a huge success. I somehow persuaded Maya to relieve herself when she woke up yesterday morning, but by the time the sitter arrived, she had decided she was done with it. I advised Jackie to silently take a box of markers and start drawing on the outhouse. Within 30 seconds, I heard a little voice say, "Jackie, what are you doing?" and soon after that, stickers were applied and paper shapes were glued and pictures were drawn all over the outhouse. And Maya did not have one accident all day long.

But before you get all excited for me, note that the entire day I felt like I was walking on eggshells. There was a lot of suggesting, and not a lot of actual voiding going on, and I was constantly worried that I was pushing too much or maybe not enough. And of course, I was wondering why someone would rather pee in a perfectly good pair of SpongeBob underpants instead of using a singing potty chair in an outhouse that I would proudly bring to Burning Man.

This morning, things became even more difficult. I somehow persuaded her again to use the outhouse in the morning, but she then waited exactly 5 hours and 40 minutes to use the facilities again. At 5 hours and 30 minutes, she pooped in her pants, and after the clean-up job was accomplished, she sat down on the potty and did her business.

I've been fighting the M&M bribery method, but I'm about to cave. Don't tell Maya's dentist.

Whoever said it's the journey, not the destination...

2006-08-27T19:38:00.000-07:00

never potty-trained anything.

So if you need catching up, we potty-trained Maya in (I think) April. She took to it like a fish to water. One accident, and then she was on the potty (liquids and solids) for 2 weeks with no accidents. Then she got really sick. So sick that when she told me her vagina hurt I was sure she had lodged something up there, and I rushed her to the emergency room, where they had me hold her down while they catheterized her and looked at her parts. And they found nothing because they were looking at the complete wrong end. She had strep throat. And really, I don't know if that's what turned her or if she regressed because of Sadie or WHAT happened, but she started peeing all over the place and resisting the potty and asking to wear diapers, so I put her back into pull-ups. I figured any minute she would ask to get her big girl pants on but she didn't.

In fact, she's been in Pull-Ups for so long that she outgrew all the underwear I bought her. So I had her pick out more. I got batteries for her singing potty chair, and I bought her another potty seat with Dora on it thinking I couldn't go wrong. But throwing money at the situation really didn't help. All of my new gear has sat around unused for a couple of months.

Enter preschool. I need to at least give it a try before she starts preschool on September 5. And really, I'm proud of myself. Because instead of passing out after the evening sprint yesterday, I got creative and made Maya a potty training chart:

I have been warning her that this day was going to come, so when she woke up this morning, I led her out to the chart and explained to her that she got to put stickers on it everytime she used the potty and would get a reward at the end of the day.

And that's when she started to cry.

I almost stopped right then and there and resigned myself to a year without preschool, but instead I calmed her down and did what loving mothers all over America do when the going gets tough: I turned on the TV. Before I'd even navigated to Go Diego Go, I had persuaded her to take off her used Pull-Up and just watch TV buck naked. And by the time to show was over, she was more mentally prepared. She went on the potty. She actually got excited and put a sticker on her chart, and I thought I had it made. But four hours later we were in her 4th outfit of the day, and she didn't want to get on the potty anymore, so I had to crank it up a notch.

Coincidentally, we had purchased a new car seat for Sadie, and Mike had turned the box into a big plaything. He cut out holes for doors and windows, and Maya has been playing in it ever since. So I made her an outhouse.

I'm especially impressed with the tissue holder, which I taped to a window:

Of course, at this point, I couldn't get Maya out of it. We still had an accident at the end of the night. When the magical outhouse is out of sight, it is apparently also out of mind, but we'll just have to see how this pans out over the next few days. I don't know if I have anymore tricks up my sleeve.

They Really Do Hear What You Say

2006-08-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

It's been WEEKS (long weeks) since Maya's potty training regression began. Preschool is coming up in a week and a half. Diapers are not allowed in preschool. The director of the preschool tells me that she will be potty trained within two weeks once she sees all the other kids peeing on the potty. I feel like I have to prepare a bit more than that.

My plan is to run out of diapers. This should happen sometime tomorrow. Hopefully after the birthday party we are attending. I have warned her. I have also told her over and over again that she's going to preschool with the big kids soon and that all her friends will use the potty. While I am talking, she stares into space how I imagine cult members stare off into space when their family members are trying to deprogram them.

So last night I went out with my friends. This morning, she asked me if I had fun with my friends, and when I said yes, she said, "Do your friends use the potty?"

She stands

2006-08-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, there is no picture of this, because when it happened, all of my hands were busy trying to avert doom, but Sadie has pulled herself up to standing. Add that to crawling backwards, and you've got progress. Of course this means a whole new level of attentiveness, but really, it has always been hard to leave Sadie anywhere by herself if she's not duct-taped to a board. She's always been so sneaky. If we were keeping score, we would note that Maya pulled herself up to standing at 9 months. Sadie is doing it at 7.5 months. Maya was a very verbal baby, but Sadie basically has three settings: mute, laughing, or screaming.

Because of the nanny's new college schedule, the girls and I have two solid mornings free every week. This not only means I can take them on outings without worrying about heat stroke, but it also means I rejoined our old playgroup on Wednesday mornings. This morning, Maya had a blast playing with a bunch of other little kids, and climbing up these impossibly high playground structures while I wrung my hands. All this socialization is a good prep for preschool, which starts in just another week or so (worry worry).

Busy Day

2006-08-19T20:43:00.000-07:00

Sadie will never learn to crawl if we keep running around like this. As soon as we got up in this morning, we packed up and went to the open house play date at Maya's old preschool. Maya was very excited to play with the "big kids" and ran around almost without paying me any attention at all.

We got home and almost immediately headed out the door again to see some live music. Maya ran around climbing on rocks and trees, chasing dragonflies, and playing with other kids. Sadie sat on the blanket and was as happy as a kid in a candy store.

Communication

2006-08-16T09:09:00.000-07:00

Sadie can now pull herself up to standing with the assistance of a couple of fingers to stabilize herself. She is a complete animal when it comes to moving around. Once up, she's as wobbly as a 2-legged cat, yet she feels completely confident in letting go of my fingers to give it a go on her own.

Last night, she spent an hour flopping around in her crib talking and sputtering and generally having a good time, while Mike and I pretended that nothing this horrible could happen to us at 3 in the morning. Mike made a run for it and got some sleep in the guest room. I played dead, but apparently that only works with bears. Sadie continued to play with my pretend-corpse for the better part of an hour before finally passing out with her feet jammed up underneath my rib cage.

Maya's ability to communicate is noticeably better with every passing week, and I continually find myself surprised by how quickly her communication skills are improving. It not only makes day-to-day life a lot easier, but Maya has become a much better companion as we are more able to share our thoughts and feelings with one another. Although I felt like I knew Maya very well--better than anybody else, really--there are things about her that I never knew until she was able to tell me. Yesterday we were letting the neighbors' dogs out for a pee break, and she told me, "I LOVE dog poop."

Summer is drawing to a close

2006-08-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

Well, not really. But the pool is closed. Maybe not unusual in the northern latitudes of, say, Canada, but in my burg, there is really no need to close a pool in mid-August. We have a good 6 weeks of sweltering heat left in the season.

But although we will look back on the Tadpole class with fond memories, Mike and I are relieved it is over. We were all exhausted. Next year, Maya will return as a Duck and then an Alligator (leaving me wondering whether these class levels are stolen from Kabbalistic reincarnation), classes that parents participate in from the sidelines only. Meaning we can take the lessons at a more sane hour. Lunchtime or afternoon. No more rushing home, eating on the run, and skipping baths for days at a time until Maya's hair is sticking together.

Swimming Lessons: Day 3

2006-08-10T20:50:00.000-07:00

We're getting very tired. We have a very streamlined evening routine. It can withstand minor disruptions without wreaking havoc, but this swimming lessons thing is starting to wear on us. Well, it's wearing on the older people in the family.

Day 3, and Maya is the star pupil of the class. She can hold her breath underwater. She is showing less fear. It's a surprise since the first thing she said when we got out the car was, "I don't want to go to the pool. I don't like it." These feelings probably had a lot to do with the incidents of Day 2, particularly an incident with the kiddie slide where Maya went down sideways and ended up with her head underwater. I'm sure a gallon of water went up her nose, which would explain why afterward she plugged her nose the moment she hit the stairs. Actually, she hasn't gone back down the slide since. She goes up the stairs, flirts with the top of the slide, and then runs back down the stairs. All while holding her nose.

It took about 5 minutes for Maya to change her mind about the pool, which is a good thing. Most of the experience has been so positive--Maya is so excited to "go swimming with MY daddy" that I don't want anything negative happening.

One more day.

Swimming Lessons: Day 2

2006-08-10T09:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we were prepared. The activity pool at the Aquatic Center opens at 5, and I was there with the girls ready to burn some of Maya's excess energy before swim lessons start at 5:25. Maya played in the water, got reprimanded by life guards, received several nose enemas while barreling down the new slide, and in other words had a load of fun before Dad even got there to carry her off to swim class.

Maya did a stunning job of jumping off the side of the pool, even when her head went under water. She is a champion bubble blower (much practice in the tub), and she's a big fan of the mini wakeboards used in class.

When class was over, Mike extricated Maya without a huge amount of drama, and the whole experience was practically trauma-free for everyone. Two more days left.

Swimming Lessons: Day 1

2006-08-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

Maya had her first swimming lesson yesterday. After Mike gets off of work, he rushes over to the pool to meet us. Maya is very excited to get to swim with daddy. But of course, since this is her first swimming lesson, she doesn't know the drill. She thinks she just gets to play in the pool with daddy and isn't really hip to the classroom environment. It took her a few minutes to get into it, but I think we can call it a success. The only issue was with leaving. Why do they set up 25 minute lessons for toddlers and think it's not going to hit the fan when it's time for them all to leave?

I've known Mike for over 10 years, and last night was the first time I've ever seen him do the hokey pokey.

Introduction

2006-08-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

It is almost impossible to keep people up to date on the minute details of how the girls are growing up. And then you forget what you told them and what you forgot. Or maybe they don't care. Anyway--a blog seems like the perfect way to keep people informed on the day-to-day.

Maya

Maya is having a very big week this week. First, we enrolled her in preschool. This will happen two days a week, and it will be the first time she's done anything without a parent hovering over her. It's a big step for her and perhaps a bigger step for mom. She loved the preschool when we visited on Monday, and I felt good about her being there. She starts in September. She is supposed to be potty trained by then. We're still deep into this regression, so we'll see how that works out.

Maya is doing swimming lessons this week with her daddy. We start tonight. These will be Maya's first swim lessons.

Sadie

Sadie is trying to crawl, and has also started playing peek-a-boo just like Maya did at almost the exact same age. She will hold a blanket in front of her own face and pull it down. Sadie has taken to waking up at 5:30 am every morning to try and practice her new tricks. Depending on who wakes up with her, either Mike or I look like we've been hit with a board.